It Begins

After weeks of rehearsals, and fourteen hour days in the final stretch, we made it through the premiere. The reviews I've seen so far seem extremely positive. One critic, after giving accolades to every act, goes on to say that no single number makes the show a success, but rather the imaginative combination of very different acts, the design of the details, the music, and the wonderful way which the clowns weave everything together. They even went so far as to call it a work of art.

Not bad for a modern traditional circus...

But in this circus, there's no time to bask in the glory of our success. Days of double shows, tear downs, build ups, and hitting the road are already nipping at our heels!

Overheard During Costume Fitting

*looking at a costume placed off to the side*

"Is this one of ours?"

"Yeah, that's my costume."

*stares*

"You are very small."

That Point

I was making the trek from the circus lot to the winter quarters for an afternoon of training. The tent has just gone up for the first time this season and they aren't quite ready to bring in all of the equipment. The rest of the cast was busy choreographing one of the group numbers, but as it's right before my act, I'm not in it.

As I was walking it occurred to me that this isn't really a creation for me. I mean, yes, we're putting together a show, but hardly from scratch. With a couple of exceptions, everyone came in with an act. It may have taken some time to adapt them to the music from the show, but that hardly takes two months. Due to the order of the show, I'm not really in any of the group acts, so that leaves me with considerable free time as well.

There are transitions to work out, but even then, they're very short as the clowns do all the real scenes between acts. Just the other day we set four transitions before lunch.

No wonder I feel bored. Training is nice and all that, but every afternoon is the same. I don't really feel all that challenged or motivated. Sometimes, it doesn't even feel like I'm working toward something. That can be dangerous, especially since the premiere is only two weeks away!

I have a feeling that all that is about to change. Tomorrow I try wheel in the actual space for the first time. The stage looks minuscule and slippery as hell. It's also uneven and I strongly suspect it's going to sound like the apocalypse when I roll on it. I have some serious adapting to do.

I think we're about to come face to face with just how much is actually missing and how many loose ends there still are. Hopefully all the props and accessories will soon arrive and everything will start to come together.

But if experience has taught me anything at all, there's still some serious falling apart that needs to happen before things can truly come together.

Thanking the Past

Wow.

I’ve been reading my old blog posts and reliving my last creation. Sometimes I’m disappointed that I didn’t go into more detail as I don’t really remember the big important thing I was alluding to. With so much distance, I now see just how abnormally difficult that creation was and that, quite frankly, that is not how a creation should be. But most interestingly, I see how much I’ve grown and just how much I learned from that tour.

The other day, in a fit of bitterness, I was thinking of how my time with that company was kind of a waste. Yes, I was able to put some money aside, but artistically, it wasn’t what I wanted to be doing, and that I gave up the better part of my twenties to a company that barely wanted circus in its circus show.

But now, reading old posts, especially those where I’m super defensive about my creative process and so forth and so on… I mean… wow. Wow.

In some respects, I feel like the opposite of what I thought then is now true. I see how I wanted to work then and look at how I work now and see that I’ve found much more efficient and effective ways to accomplish the same things. Also, I’m in much better shape, apparently. But at that time, I hadn’t been working for a few years so it was much more challenging to get through my number. That is no longer the case.

But what really knocks me on my ass, and makes me grateful in the begrudging way that only someone who has had what they stubbornly defended proven wrong can feel, is how their insistence I get out of my little wheel bubble has been ingrained and proven valuable. I resisted opening up so much, was so reluctant to include the musicians, found those placed looks out to the audience so forced… and now… all those things are second nature. Not only am I very much aware that I need to do it, but find myself thinking of how to best include an audience in the round (something new to me) and trying to make sure that everyone is given the focus at least once during my act.

If I needed any more convincing, I only need look back to the day we presented our acts here. The directors were so pleased and made a point of how I already include everyone in the audience and have a connection with them. That it’s perfect and that they don’t need to worry about me. That’s a pretty big deal.

The more I read, the more I find myself thinking "That's good advice, maybe I should try that now."

It's a funny thing to see how much you've grown from your old self, while simultaneously taking the advice your old self has to give.

The First Run

My brain kind of skidded to a halt when at the beginning of the third week we were told that on Friday we would be running the show. Seriously? After three weeks? We still spend a third of the morning playing games! And with what material are we going to be doing this run through, exactly?

There is no way we could have done a run through after just three weeks with my previous troupe. It took two and a half months before we ran the entire show. And yet by the end of Friday afternoon it was pretty clear that not only were we ready, but we're in pretty good shape.

Yes, there are still some holes to fill, but the first act actually runs pretty smoothly. The second act is considerably more challenging as there is a lot more rigging, and far fewer people available because all the duos/trios are in the second half and can't be in what comes right before or after their own acts.

It occurred to me that the reason we have a show so soon is because this show actually has a lot of circus in it. All of the acts are circus acts and with the exception of the few group acts, they almost all already exist. In my previous show, I feel that less than half the content was circus and so we spent a lot of time creating these image driven poetic moments (many of which were cut along the tour, I might add).


I suspect what we did on Friday will in no way resemble the final product, and that the order will likely change many times from here until the premiere. And even with the considerable amount of circus, I'm pleased to note that there is going to be a lot of poetry as well. You never want to get too excited too soon, but I really think we're going to have a really kick ass show!

The Directors

I am completely smitten with our directors. It’s only been a couple of days, and I’m sure there will be moments where smitten is the furthest word on my list of descriptives, but right now, smitten.

They just seem really down to earth, a little silly, and have managed to strike a great balance of “one of the gang” and “boss”. I really like their approach to creation. So far we haven’t done anything specific to the show, just lots of games. They’re taking the time to let us get to know each other, feel comfortable as a group, and most importantly feel comfortable being stupid in front of the group. Being stupid seems to be one of their key elements of creation. D1 often tells us not to be afraid to be stupid, or to produce something shitty. Because even though 90% of what we come up with might be garbage, that other 10% makes a brilliant show. But you’ve got to get through that other 90% as well.

And I absolutely love that they participate in all the exercises and games with us. It makes such a difference. I guess it’s the difference between a team and a coach, and a team and their team captain. We’ll see how things evolve, but for now, I’m very pleased with the structure and method.

But the coolest thing of all is that we were each given (directors included) three coupons that we can use at any time during rehearsal. These coupons entitle us to walk out of rehearsal for half an hour, without having to give any explanation, should ever we be on the verge of a meltdown, panic attack, or blind rage. Billiant.

So far it’s all be fun and games. I’m curious to see how things progress.

Not Even a Shape

I am out of shape. Some people like to be all cute and, when they’re out of shape, say something like “round is a shape”. Well I am not even a shape. Unless of course ‘sore’ has some how found a place in geometry.

I haven’t trained properly since September. As far a full on creation with rehearsals that last the whole day, I haven’t done that since 2009. I am out of shape. It’s funny to hear some of my new cast mates say how they too are out shape. I mean, they’re in their early 20s and haven’t trained in a week… be sure not to mention my recent training history to anyone, okay?

We did this one activity where we had to dance around for what seemed like forever. Don’t get me wrong, it was a lot of fun. But by the end I thought my arms were going to fall off, my legs were going to give out, and that I would literally vomit. In that moment I felt old.

I know that in a week’s time, I’ll probably be feeling much better, but right now, parts of my body that I didn’t even realize could hurt, do hurt. And when I wake up in the morning, it takes a moment before I can actually move. I know I’ll get there, but it’s the getting there that worries me.

New Beginning

This is nothing like I expected. I have many friends who have worked here in the past and I wrote to just about all of them for advice on what to bring, what to expect, and a million other questions in between. But even with all their guidance, I feel like I was completely unprepared. But in a good way.

This place is amazing. We’re currently at the winter quarters, and considering my old circus’ winter quarters isn’t so much a winter quarters as a storage depot, my jaw was pretty much agape for the first couple of days. The complex, as that’s really the only way to refer to it, is huge. There’s an actual rehearsal space with natural light and all manner of equipment. There is also the costume department, the workshop where they make all the repairs, build sets and props, and even do maintenance on vehicles. The conference room has group photos going back 29 years, as well as a small display case paying tribute to their founder who passed away a number of years ago.

In fact, one of the things I love about this place is that everywhere you look, there are nods to their history. Photographs of past artists and old posters cover every wall, which is particularly nice when so many people I know have performed here and are on the walls around me.

Oh, and did I mention the stables? That’s right. There are stables here as well as a ring, because this circus has six horses! They don’t go on tour anymore, but they’re still trained in dressage by the brother of the company director.

Surrounding the main building are all the caravans in neat little rows, and the many beautifully decorated roulottes that serve as offices, kitchen, and ticket counters during the season.

Being here feels magical. And I truly hope I do this place justice.