Home Sweet Home

Our caravans are presently located between two fields. Those fields have recently been fertilized with heaping piles of manure.

In a nutshell, my caravan smells like shit.

That is all.

When Things Get Tough...

Make good art.

The FIrst Time All Over Again

Stepping into my new big top for the very first time was a pretty powerful moment. I've performed in a tent before, but this is different.

For starters, this is the first time I'm in a tent that performs in the round. The ring has a ring wall and everything. It's like walking into that romantic vision of the circus you have from childhood. But what really gets me is the smell. Oh how I just love the smell...

This circus puts down a fair bit of sawdust. The tent smells of canvas and cedar and it is absolutely intoxicating.

I stared doing circus ten years ago, I don't know that I ever expected to feel that kind of magic again. What a gift...

The New Winner

I used to joke that the wheel always wins. Once you accept that, things get a lot easier. It turns out I've been wrong. The wheel doesn't always win. The wheel is at the mercy of the floor and as for me, I'm just along for the ride.

I tested the floor I'll be working on for the next eight months for the first time yesterday. In some ways, it was not as bad as I thought. In others, it was far worse. It left me feeling discouraged and afraid.

Today I had a proper training session rather than just testing the waters. I am no less discouraged for it. I can't help but suspect that this is actually one of the better floor set-ups I'm going to have. Apparently there's one city where the slope is so pronounced that the difference from one side of the stage to the other is 18cm! I can't even...

In spirals, I am pulled downstage right no matter how hard I try otherwise. In straight lines, the height difference in the floor boards knocks my wheel so much that it either kills all my momentum, makes the wheel too unstable to execute the figure safely, shifts the angle of the wheel so drastically that I risk falling off the stage if I continue, or all of the above. Wheel has always meant doing mental calculations and adjustments while executing figures, but this is beyond extreme.

I hate feeling like I can't do my job, or like I will have to present something that is far beneath my ability. I want to be proud of what I'm doing, not feel embarrassed by it. Dumbing myself down technically makes me feel like so much less of an artist and it breaks my heart.

I have asked to be on the team that sets up the floor. I figure if I'm going to be a pain in the ass about it, I might as well be there to help. In the meantime, please pray to floor gods to be nice to me. I need all the help I can get...

Silhouette of Flight

At TSNY, South Street Seaport, NYC

Ink

That Point

I was making the trek from the circus lot to the winter quarters for an afternoon of training. The tent has just gone up for the first time this season and they aren't quite ready to bring in all of the equipment. The rest of the cast was busy choreographing one of the group numbers, but as it's right before my act, I'm not in it.

As I was walking it occurred to me that this isn't really a creation for me. I mean, yes, we're putting together a show, but hardly from scratch. With a couple of exceptions, everyone came in with an act. It may have taken some time to adapt them to the music from the show, but that hardly takes two months. Due to the order of the show, I'm not really in any of the group acts, so that leaves me with considerable free time as well.

There are transitions to work out, but even then, they're very short as the clowns do all the real scenes between acts. Just the other day we set four transitions before lunch.

No wonder I feel bored. Training is nice and all that, but every afternoon is the same. I don't really feel all that challenged or motivated. Sometimes, it doesn't even feel like I'm working toward something. That can be dangerous, especially since the premiere is only two weeks away!

I have a feeling that all that is about to change. Tomorrow I try wheel in the actual space for the first time. The stage looks minuscule and slippery as hell. It's also uneven and I strongly suspect it's going to sound like the apocalypse when I roll on it. I have some serious adapting to do.

I think we're about to come face to face with just how much is actually missing and how many loose ends there still are. Hopefully all the props and accessories will soon arrive and everything will start to come together.

But if experience has taught me anything at all, there's still some serious falling apart that needs to happen before things can truly come together.