Princess Tajana

If you love the circus of days gone by, you are going to love this video of Princess Tajana on trapeze!

Transition

I was walking back to the circus after a trip to the grocery store and was surprised to see white and red wagons with red and gold lettering all over them. Then, I felt strangely sad...

I spent the last four years on tour with the same circus. I'm so used to seeing a yellow and maroon tent, with big yellow trucks with maroon lettering. At this circus, everything looks impeccable, shiny, and new. My old circus was kind of shabby, but the familiarity made it feel like home.

I'm sure that in time this place will feel like home too. And I really am truly impressed with their philosophy and how things are run. Sometimes it feels like there are way too many rules and regulations (we spent an hour and a half talking about them this afternoon), but I suspect that in practice, it really won't be a big deal at all.

I just don't understand these feelings of sadness. It's definitely feels strange to act out the same old routine in such different surroundings. Maybe it has to do with the knowledge that my old circus is starting the new creation at this very moment, and it hurts to feel left behind. Familiar tasks in an unfamiliar setting should be comforting, no? Not a reminder of what you've lost.

It's a funny thing this circus life. Sometimes I wonder how much longer I will be a part of it...

Frigthening Reminder

My very first circus history class, our teacher asked us what we thought of when we thought of the circus. There was a chorus of "Trapeze!", "Clowns!", and "The chapiteau!". Our teacher looked at us and said one word: death.

I woke up this morning to news that a member of my immediate circus community had an accident on stage. I'm still unclear on the details, but it would seem that the acrobat in question fell on his neck while performing an acrobatic figure of some kind. He's broken some vertebrae in his neck. We're waiting to see what will come next.

A few of my friends have had serious accidents on stage, and this isn't even the first time someone I know has broken their neck. And you would think that having your friend in a coma for months would wake you up to just how dangerous your career choice really is. But the truth is, you quickly fall back into the habit of taking it for granted that you're good at what you do, you're well trained, and that things like that happen to other people, not you.

I suspect a lot of that is a defense mechanism. How could you possibly go on stage night after night if all you could think about is how it could very possibly be the last thing you do? I know there are moments where I see myself falling off the stage, crushing audience members and doing all kinds of damage to myself. But if I didn't push those thoughts aside and focus on what I need to do, it would paralyze me.

But the reality is that this job is dangerous and accidents do happen. Every time we step on stage we take a risk. All it takes is a momentary slip in concentration, a miscalculation, having an "off day", or worst of all, someone else's bad call. Sometimes, you don't even know the why and the how of it.

It's a terrible thing when you have to be reminded of that in such a way as this.

Our thoughts and positive energy are with him, and we wish him a speedy recovery.

For those of us who have to step into the ring, be safe.

Circus Alphabet

Have you ever felt that the message you were trying to get across just wasn't acrobatic enough? That it could use a little more circus style? Well fear not, gentle citizen! The fine folks over at I Love Dust have got you covered!

And I don't care what anyone says, that letter O is a German wheel!

Thanking the Past

Wow.

I’ve been reading my old blog posts and reliving my last creation. Sometimes I’m disappointed that I didn’t go into more detail as I don’t really remember the big important thing I was alluding to. With so much distance, I now see just how abnormally difficult that creation was and that, quite frankly, that is not how a creation should be. But most interestingly, I see how much I’ve grown and just how much I learned from that tour.

The other day, in a fit of bitterness, I was thinking of how my time with that company was kind of a waste. Yes, I was able to put some money aside, but artistically, it wasn’t what I wanted to be doing, and that I gave up the better part of my twenties to a company that barely wanted circus in its circus show.

But now, reading old posts, especially those where I’m super defensive about my creative process and so forth and so on… I mean… wow. Wow.

In some respects, I feel like the opposite of what I thought then is now true. I see how I wanted to work then and look at how I work now and see that I’ve found much more efficient and effective ways to accomplish the same things. Also, I’m in much better shape, apparently. But at that time, I hadn’t been working for a few years so it was much more challenging to get through my number. That is no longer the case.

But what really knocks me on my ass, and makes me grateful in the begrudging way that only someone who has had what they stubbornly defended proven wrong can feel, is how their insistence I get out of my little wheel bubble has been ingrained and proven valuable. I resisted opening up so much, was so reluctant to include the musicians, found those placed looks out to the audience so forced… and now… all those things are second nature. Not only am I very much aware that I need to do it, but find myself thinking of how to best include an audience in the round (something new to me) and trying to make sure that everyone is given the focus at least once during my act.

If I needed any more convincing, I only need look back to the day we presented our acts here. The directors were so pleased and made a point of how I already include everyone in the audience and have a connection with them. That it’s perfect and that they don’t need to worry about me. That’s a pretty big deal.

The more I read, the more I find myself thinking "That's good advice, maybe I should try that now."

It's a funny thing to see how much you've grown from your old self, while simultaneously taking the advice your old self has to give.

Pleasure in the Details

Before coming to Switzerland, my French cast mates kept telling me that it was going to be challenging because the Swiss are so anal and are a bunch of perfectionists. Little did they know that I was beyond excited for just that mentality. After five years of apathy and shit just not getting done, I was really looking forward to some organization and serious "on the ball" action.

I have not been disappointed.

By the beginning of the second week, I already had music composed for my act. The second week! I was just re-reading old entries about the creation of my last show and I had forgotten just how behind we were in the days approaching the show. Nineteen days before the premiere, there were still acts that had no music. Five days before the show, I still had no costume. And here I am at the beginning of the second week and I already have my music? Wow!

Not only do I have music, but it is awesome music. We're talking epic. It's got a somewhat traditional sound to it, but I love it. It makes me feel powerful, sexy, grounded, and light. I just hope I can fill it! The composer, clever man that he is, started composing for everyone based on their videos well before we arrived. That's why we have something to work with so quickly. Every week he comes to rehearsal and we have time with him to make changes and to fine tune it. It's such an effective and efficient way to work. Plus, P is really open to our feedback and finding a way to make the music work with the act. I love it

As for my costume, that too is well under way! And let me just say, in this show I will have the costume that I should have had in my previous show. It is gorgeous. I am going to be gorgeous. Once again, I have the good fortune of being in red. Only this time, the costume lives up to the sexiness that red evokes. No lame-o shorts this time, folks! I will be in a little red velvet halter dress with red and gold lace accents, red and gold lace peeking out from underneath the skirt, and flesh tone fishnet tights!

Holy wow!

My group costume is less exciting, of course. But that's normal. As the directors have said, during your act, you need to stand out and look like a princess or a shining jewel! And the group needs to look like a group so... yeah. But my group costume is also red with a lovely neckline so I feel pretty good about that too.

All in all, I'm feeling pretty good. There are some people who are not pleased with their costumes, and others who are just as elated as I am. I guess we'll have to see what everything looks like all together before we can really know for sure.

The First Run

My brain kind of skidded to a halt when at the beginning of the third week we were told that on Friday we would be running the show. Seriously? After three weeks? We still spend a third of the morning playing games! And with what material are we going to be doing this run through, exactly?

There is no way we could have done a run through after just three weeks with my previous troupe. It took two and a half months before we ran the entire show. And yet by the end of Friday afternoon it was pretty clear that not only were we ready, but we're in pretty good shape.

Yes, there are still some holes to fill, but the first act actually runs pretty smoothly. The second act is considerably more challenging as there is a lot more rigging, and far fewer people available because all the duos/trios are in the second half and can't be in what comes right before or after their own acts.

It occurred to me that the reason we have a show so soon is because this show actually has a lot of circus in it. All of the acts are circus acts and with the exception of the few group acts, they almost all already exist. In my previous show, I feel that less than half the content was circus and so we spent a lot of time creating these image driven poetic moments (many of which were cut along the tour, I might add).


I suspect what we did on Friday will in no way resemble the final product, and that the order will likely change many times from here until the premiere. And even with the considerable amount of circus, I'm pleased to note that there is going to be a lot of poetry as well. You never want to get too excited too soon, but I really think we're going to have a really kick ass show!