And the Crowd Goes...

"If you ask a kid to draw a circus, they draw a tent." -Pam Miller, Big Apple Circus

I came across this quote the other day and it was exactly the piece of grounding wisdom that I needed to hear. Maybe I’ve just always been spoiled, but in every show I’ve ever performed in, my act was always one of the most well received and often an audience favourite. Here, I feel like my act receives the least applause of any of the acts…

I try not to pay attention. I try to tell myself not to compare. And I know that it’s sometimes hard to really hear during your act or right after because you’re focus is elsewhere. But I hear the applause for the others, and I know mine is not the same. I assist in one act and I swear, I can feel the wall of sound at the end the applause is so loud.

I’ve had friends here tell me “it’s not the same”. My act is more poetic and therefore has a different reception. The first half of the show is much slower and the energy lower (the circus received an e-mail saying the first half was kind of boring with the exception of the last two acts, one of which is mine). And by the time my act rolls around people are anxious for intermission. And of course, when they come back, they’re full of sugar so… yeah.

Sigh…

I know it shouldn’t matter but there are days where I wonder if maybe I’ve gotten old and my material stale. I can’t help but wonder what I’m doing wrong. But at the same time, I feel like I’m able to connect with the audience, and individual members of the audience especially, more so than I have ever been able to do before.

Which brings me back to the above quotation.

It’s not an individual act that makes a circus. Sure, people will have their favourite numbers, and I’m sure every act is at least one person’s favourite. But it’s the circus experience as a whole that fills us with a sense of magic. The sudden appearance of a big top on the horizon, the smell of sawdust and popcorn, and the many and varied feats of those who step into the ring.

So the next time I go out there and wonder where my whistles and woos are, I will try to remember Ms. Miller’s words. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll just pretend that everyone is so incredibly amazed by what they’ve just seen that they’ve lost all ability speak, let alone cheer.

Baby steps… baby steps…