Where My Girls At?

Times are tough at the circus these days. There are many layers of drama and many layers of hurt, and they seem to be be cropping up all over the place. We've been working almost non-stop the past two months and I think it's fair to say we need a break. Nerves are frayed, people are tired, and a little space is most definitely in order.

On top of that, there's been quite a lot of change. It's been four months since C left the show and in the last city, L performed for the last time. Of the four women* on stage, I'm now the only one to have performed in every show.

I suddenly feel quite lonely on stage. It's not that I don't like the new ladies by my side, but it's not the same as having the people who were with you from the beginning. The people who shared the same experiences and lived through the same hardship, the ones comforted you when you broke down, and the ones you held up when they needed support in turn. There's something to be said for shared battle scars. And while I still have all the boys, of course, it's not the same as Team Canada.

Did I not mention that C, L and myself were the three Canadians in the troupe?

There is one moment in the show in particular where we're all seated next to each other. For the first time I had 'strangers' on either side of me. Maybe I'm just too sensitive, but it really hit me hard.

C's replacement isn't C. That's not to say that one person is better than the other, but D isn't C and I feel that every show and I miss C every day. And L, well... she needed two people to replace her. Two! And one of them in a Brazilian man! Needless to say, it's far from the same...

I admit it, I have a hard time with change and I miss my girls. And the worst part is, I'm pretty sure the change and the loss isn't over yet.

Sigh...



* B, like the two other founding members of the company who still perform, has a replacement and doesn't play all the dates. She is sometimes replaced by M.