Ho Hum

While having breakfast one morning, I heard someone shouting. I looked out my window to see a man scaling a giant yellow tent. I merely blinked and went back to having breakfast.

I’m sure at some point in my life I would have found that at least mildly interesting, if not crazy.

What the hell happened to me?

I remember when I started circus school oh so many years ago, I spent most of the day with my jaw dangling somewhere near my navel. I was so impressed by everyone around me, and the incredible feats happening in every corner. There was this one time during a trampoline class where my teacher kept having to call me for my turn because I couldn’t stop watching some girl on cloud swing. Didn’t my teacher understand? There was a girl swinging on a rope! Attached to the ceiling! Swinging! I mean… holy crap!

It went on like that for a while until I finally realized that I was one of those really awesome people too. Eventually, I became as jaded as everyone else. What? Only a double back? Just a single twist? Whatever…

Seriously, what the hell happened to me?

The truth is, I know. And I should have known that it would happen as soon as I stepped foot into this incredible world of circus. At first I was beyond amazed, then I had that arrogance that only a student new to a field can have, and bit by bit, as that amazement was replaced by experience, I got used to it.

I’m being a little hard on myself though. I’m not as jaded as all that. I still love to discover a new space (be it training or performance), and knowing the work that goes into mastering a discipline and creating an act, I still appreciate the work that I see. A lot of the time, I’m even impressed by it. I said something about being less jaded, didn’t I? Oops…

I’m less impressed by grandeur and more impressed by cleverness. I suppose I’ve gone from not being able to see the safety lines, to seeing only the safety lines, to seeing beyond the safety lines, if that makes any sense.

I’ve often heard that going to the circus, with its awe and wonder, turns us all back into children, if only for a moment. And as much as I love having a deeper understanding of the world circus and being able to appreciate it on a different level than when I knew nothing at all about the art, I do miss that feeling.

Perhaps it's time to move on to something new.