Growing Resentment

The tour schedule as of late has been nothing short of hellish. To say that everyone is exhausted would be an understatement. Typically, Sundays and Wednesdays consist of a matinee, build down, and transport. Then on Mondays and Thursdays we have build up in the morning, and the rest of the day off.

But for the month of July, we have had build up and a show on Mondays, leaving only Thursday afternoon and evening off. The temperature in the tent during performances has been in the high twenties to low thirties, and humid. Plus, we've been in the mountains, so the higher altitude has also been kicking our asses. Most days I feel weak and exhausted. I seem to have done a number on my shoulder (not to mention the continuing saga that is my back) and while the osteopath I saw told me I was on the brink of exhaustion and not to work for a few days, well, the show must go on. So much for getting better... At night, I read for a bit and then go to sleep.

And I am not alone. Pretty much everyone is just trying to make it from one show to the next. We have one artist working with a hernia, another who was in so much pain she was in tears before and during her act, another who, at 19 years of age, has thrown out his back, plus one of the clowns working on messed up ankle.

But the worst part, the very worst part of all, is that we're killing ourselves with this schedule and the tent is practically empty. I could understand really wanting to push the number of shows if we were playing to a packed house, but we've been consistently at 12% capacity for the past two weeks.

Now I've always tried to go in with the attitude that whatever the size of the crowd, those people paid to be there and deserve to see a quality show. But for the first time in my life, I've found myself cursing in my head when I take that first step on stage and see mostly empty seats.

Why is there that extra Monday show when they know Monday shows don't sell? Why are we doing four shows per town that are only filled to 12% when we could just as easily do two or three shows to more sizable crowds, especially in towns where they know from past experience that the crowds aren't there? And why, why such a heavy workload now (again, to an empty tent) when in the next three months we have almost as many shows to do as we've done in the last five months?

The resentment is growing and I'm really starting to feel angry. Three months to go is one thing, actually making it to the end is another...