I don't know if anyone has noticed this, but I tend to talk a lot about my personal experiences with show creation, but very little about the show itself. I'm not too sure why that is. Maybe its because during creation things are unclear and the show is still taking shape, maybe I've wanted to keep things under wraps, maybe I meant for this blog to more about my experiences as an artist...
Well, we're 19 days away from the premier (though only 13 work days) and I can't hold my tongue any longer.
We're not ready.
This show is not ready.
Who knows, maybe it will be. Maybe, in the next two weeks, things will miraculously fall into place. But as it is right now, we haven't done anything that resembles a run of the show, we haven't even blocked the show through to the end yet! There are technical aspects of the show that we have no idea how they're going to be done. There are numbers that have yet to be run in their entirety and some acts are still without music.
Although I'm told that last one happens often. And to be fair, if I had to spend all day in rehearsal, then go home and write 20 or so pieces of music, sometimes for things that don't exist yet (and if they do, could change at any moment), I'd probably be working down to the wire as well. Actually, I'd have gone AWOL ages ago. That's why I'm an acrobat and not a composer.
I have been sitting on my worry and following the troupe mantra of "have faith in the director" but I'm starting to run a little low on that faith. I have no idea what my role is in this show. Its hard to judge without having done an actual run through, but I feel like the show has no humanity. Its way too intellectual, way too serious and there are so many things that make no sense! I actually found myself thinking that if I just stopped demanding that things make sense, I'd be much happier. And that's a huge part of the problem. Right now, I'm not happy in what I'm doing. I feel like I'm being wasted and I haven't the slightest idea of how to change that...
I was so excited for this. Now I'm sitting all alone in a caravan in the middle of nowhere, France, writing things like "I was so excited for this" in a blog that two people read...
What the hell happened?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Sorry you're having a rough time, love. You are in a high-stress time of your job, in a land far far away from everything you know. Sorry to say it, but days and weeks of feeling like this might be to be expected.
ReplyDeleteTwo weeks sounds like a long time, in the land of performance creation - but what do i know. Things may still come together. And if they don't, it's not your fault, and you will still do your best job.
Just to be a bit of a devil's advocate: weren't your comments of "the show has no humanity. Its way too intellectual," similar to the comments that your director was making about YOUR piece last week?
I wanted to take a moment to let your comment sink in before responding as I wanted to be sure my reaction wasn't based purely on emotion.
ReplyDeleteI feel I need to defend myself from your devil's advocacy. His main points about my number is that I'm still concentrating on the technique and that I need to look up more. That's not quite the same as lacking humanity and being intellectual.
I gave a lot of examples for my number, but none for the show. When I say its too intellectual, its because there are more moments based on art references (some of which are beyond obscure) than there are based on what the show is supposedly about (the troupe finding themselves in a painter's studio). As for the humanity... its a feeling. Or lack thereof. One that's shared by others than myself. At least when I run my number, I'm starting to feel something and I know what story I want to tell. Maybe when we actually run the show I'll start to feel something too. But right now, I feel like a segue from one image to the next.
hmm....ok. i can see how those are different (your comments vs your director's comments).
ReplyDeletehope the new work week will be better than this one. i hate that you are far away and i can't just knock on your caravan door and give you a hug!
xoxxo h
I know you're super preggo and all, but are you sure you couldn't just drop by? Just in case, I'm in the Oatmeal caravan, right behind the kitchen, okay?
ReplyDelete