A Gallery as Black as my Soul!

This has been a very hard week.

I know I say it a lot, but let's face it; show creation is hard. It demands so much time, energy and emotion. Its physically exhausting an emotionally and spiritually draining. I look around at my fellow troupe members and behind that scarce smile I see the fatigue, the worry, the tension. We're all feeling it.

We spent the better part of the week on the first scene of the show. It went from 14 minutes to one. It went from xyz to qbn. Entire characters have been cut out of the show. That's a person's role! Their identity in the show! And as luck would have it, my character was one of them.

I admit, for a while now I have felt the relevance of the art thief characters to be waning. But to find out that they've been cut by having it announced to the entire troupe? That's cold. I went and spoke to my partner in crime (if you will) and we both agreed that, yes, they were losing their place. When I spoke to the director about it later he said I should have just announced it in front of the troupe. I told him that out of respect for my partner, I had to discuss it with her first and the meeting ended before I could say anything.

His response?

Announce it in front of the whole troupe! That shows respect for everyone!

I can think of few people who would agree with that statement. Can you imagine having your partner or lover essentially break up with you by announcing it in front an entire room of people? Without a word to you before hand? I repeated that out of respect for my partner, I could not do that. I told him I don't work that way. He insisted I should. I insisted even harder.

To add insult to injury, as we continued the run through of the first section, my former partner and I with our non characters, the director states that I will come in like a little girl and my former partner like my mom.

Right.

Let me tell you something. I am short. I look younger than I am. Due to my current hair situation, the only way to keep it out of my face is pigtails. I hate being cute. I hate being "the cute one". Had I wanted to be type cast as such, I would have stayed in theatre. Tell me I'm cute and you break my heart. Sometimes a woman just wants to be seen as beautiful.

Needless to say, those pigtails vanished instantaneously.

As you can imagine, my former partner was equally thrilled as been cast as the middle aged woman.

We open in less than five weeks and we're still stuck on the beginning. There are technical demands and manipulations that we have no idea how they will be performed. This artistic butchery is leaving me tired and far from motivated. I do not feel ready. I do not feel like this show is coming together. If anything, I feel like its coming apart...

And seriously, don't even get me started on the clowns.