The news about the caravans had only just begun to sink in when a second blow was dealt to this this already aching heart.
C would be leaving the show.
I shouldn't have been surprised. She had been unhappy for a while and the rhythm and reality of our circus never really meshed with her own plans and dreams. Moreover, we had talked about her leaving while in Blagnac. But at that time, she wasn't quite ready yet. I suppose that's why, only a month and a half later, the news seemed so out of left field.
C leaving is huge for me. We go back further than our circus. We were in circus school together and hade done a couple of gigs together in the time since leaving school. She has been my rock. Words cannot begin to describe what having her along side me has meant. Our friendship's roots go deeper than the pickets of our circus' big yellow tent. It isn't the circus that comes first with her, and because of that, there is a trust and a protection that doesn't exist with anyone else in the troupe.
On top of some other personal loses of great importance, I was losing my home, and a best friend.
I don't remember when I last felt so utterly alone...
She will stay on until the fall. As such, I have a nice bubble of denial to live in. I can't even begin to imagine what will happen when she's gone for real.
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