Limping Toward the Finish Line

You know that it has to end at some point, but even still, it comes as a surprise. I auditioned for this company back in 2007, came out for a number of research and creation periods throughout 2008, and as of 2009, began working here full time. In some ways, it feels like it has been forever. For the last year especially, though truthfully longer, I have felt that I need to move on to something else. And now, when suddenly faced with the end, I am overcome with emotion and don’t know how ready I am to leave after all. I suppose that’s normal though. This has been a pretty big chapter of my life as far as career and personal life goes. At any rate, with the end in plain sight, things should be getting wrapped up for a tidy, tear streaked goodbye.

This, of course, is not happening.

I mentioned that the dates had been pushed back by three weeks. I may have even mentioned that the reason for this is that the tent was at 6% capacity as far as ticket sales were concerned. The hope was that by pushing the dates back, more tickets would be sold. And they have been. One week before we’re set to open, we are now, on average, at 20% capacity...

I shouldn’t have to tell you that that’s dreadful. This is a big company. We are a big show. We should be performing to a full house every night. Or at least close to it. This is a company that feels that 500 people is a small crowd and needs to remind us to do a good job anyway, even though the audience is small. I’m not sure 200 tickets will even cover all of our salaries and operational costs.

And even with those uninspiring figures in hand, the company is still optimistic about extending the dates in Paris! The rumours have been confirmed and the idea would be to take the first week off and then do shows the following weekend, and then the weekends after that until Christmas.

Sigh...

This isn’t right. Not only is it not right, it’s ridiculous. We deserve a proper end to this tour. An exact date. This being in limbo has gone on long enough. More than half the troupe is being let go after this. And we all need to know when we can start working somewhere else. People have lives that include other things than the whims of this circus and need to be able to figure out what the hell they’re doing with their lives instead of being on call for two more months. And just the weekends? No one is from Paris. I’m from over 5000km away! Are people expected to twiddle their thumbs in Paris for weeks at a time while they wait to do three shows? Are they expected to keep making the drive back and forth to their homes every week at their own expense? What about those who come from the other side of the country? M and L have to come from super far away and have to hire a nanny for their kids during the shows. Considering what it will cost each of them to get home and back, and then the salary of the nanny, they’re probably going to lose money, not make any money.

And most importantly, this show and the people in it deserve a dignified end. That last hurrah for a full house, not a whimper in front of a couple of hundred people. You need to know when the last show is. You need to. You have to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for that last time on stage doing that act with those people in that tent. At least, I know I do. This extension garbage, finding out a week in advance every time... it’s bullshit. I know the company is in financial difficulties, but at this point, it’s not a couple of extra shows that are going to make the difference.

I, for one, am very curious to see how the first staff meeting is going to go. My guess is that the musicians, who are staying on for the next show, will keep their mouths shut, though they will bitch heartily in private. I believe that the clowns are terrified of being out of work, so I’m guessing they won’t say much. As for the acrobats... well... I’ve already said that I’m not sticking around past the 11^th. M tends to speak his mind, so we’ll see. A talks a good game, but doesn’t always speak up at meetings. But from those I’ve spoken with, it sounds like people are reaching their breaking points.

For now, we’ll just keep hobbling along...