Making Hearts Dream

I'm a collector of images and the other day I hit a veritable gold mine of stunning circus photography. These are the kinds of photos that make you dream of running away and joining the circus.

German photographer Thomas Totz manages to capture the hearts and souls of the circuses he photographs and brings beauty and dignity to a world that is not always met with respect.

I've included some of my favourite photos below.

To see the full collection, go here.

To visit Mr. Totz's website, go here.

Going Up!

Very cool video of Circus Monti's Big Top going up.

Mother of God...

Forget trampo-wall. In fact, forget everything you've ever witnessed in circus. Hell, forget about even being in the circus because nothing you do will ever be as mind-boggling insane as this.

 

The Next Chapter

When I look back at the last five years, I barely recognize myself. I spent the better part of my twenties with this company, and as I prepare to leave them I'm staring down thirty. I've had an extremely difficult journey with them. I've experienced loss, humiliation, and heartache the likes of which I never could have imagined.

But during that time, I also traveled to 22 countries. I fell in love for the first time. I became the first Canadian to compete at the German Wheel World Championships and I obtained my coaching certification from the IRV. I'm also very proud to say that I received more good press than anyone else in the troupe.


Good and bad, it's almost over. I can't stop imagining a giant book about to slam shut. The good news is, a new book is on the way. I've just signed on to a tour in Switzerland that will last the better part of 2013. I can tell you that as someone who does a discipline that can be a pretty hard sell, this comes as a huge sigh of relief.

I can only hope better things lie ahead. Based on feedback from friends who have worked for this company before, I have nothing to worry about. And based on what I've heard about the show concept, it looks like my days of overly intellectual, image heavy, takes-itself-a-bit-too-seriously French contemporary circus are about to come to an end.

And I, for one, couldn't be happier about that.

Look out, Switzerland, here I come!

A View of Circus Island

 Good lord... you can see the hot pink triangle!

And I can see my caravan!

Trapeze Trap

Looks like a good haul...

Kip to Handstand

I would like to say that if I were to try this, I would land on my face. I say "would like to" because while I can definitely kip up to my feet, I'm pretty sure that if I tried to do what this guy is doing, I wouldn't have the rotation to fall on my face, and just land on my butt. Seriously though, is this actually possible? Because, damn!

Dancing with the Stars

I may have been skeptical going in, but I’ve got to say, I had an absolute blast filming Dansent avec les stars. I worked with French pop singer Lorie, and her partner (and fellow Montrealer) Christian.

When it comes to things like this, most people try to have nothing to do with. Seeing as we filmed after that day’s show, I expected to find myself in an empty Chapiteau. But apparently I forgot to factor in the appeal of a star, even if she isn’t the brightest star in the celebrity sky.

I’m not going to lie, I felt pretty self-conscious speaking on camera with the whole troupe watching. I was suddenly extremely aware of how French is not my first language.

We started with me seated on stage and then panned over to Lorie and Christian coming down the bleachers towards me. Lorie had no idea what she was there to do, though I’m sure being at a circus couldn’t have filled her with much confidence. She was told she would be doing German wheel. She had no idea what it was. That’s when I volunteered to give her a demonstration.

The poor thing. I thought she was going to pass out when she saw me come on stage with my wheel. I mean, yeah, I did come in free hand. That would throw anybody off. And then I went into spirals, with more freehand, and a coin spin in full split. At least I didn’t show off with a triple...

As much as the entire thing was about getting interesting images for television, she was actually there for a reason. Apparently she was having trouble with the Viennese waltz. She would get dizzy from the spinning and find herself off balance. Wheel was somehow supposed to help with this.

Now I can see how on paper wheel spinning and waltz spinning might seem like the same thing. But in reality, I wasn’t entirely sure what the heck I was supposed to do with this girl. Especially since I found out only a few minutes before she arrived. I walked her through the same three exercises I would have put any beginner through and went into a great deal of detail about having your weight aligned over your feet, knowing where your body is in space and in relation to everything around you, and the general tips for balance and spatial orientation that would apply to just about anything dancey or acrobatic.

When she first stepped on, I thought we were going to be in trouble. But after a rocky start, she actually did quite well. I had loads of fun helping her and I think she really enjoyed the experience. Then I had both her and her partner try a coin spin, mostly because I knew there was no way they would be able to do it and it would make for some funny footage for the show. Poor Christian. He landed butt facing the camera. You know that’s going to make on to the show.

Unfortunately, I’ll have a show the night it airs. But then, I don’t have a television or internet access here, so it’s not like that changes very much. I just hope I’ll be able to find it online when I get back to Canada. After all, how many people can say they got to teach German wheel to a French pop singer as a consultant on the French version of Dancing with the Stars?

You Know You're in Montreal When...

I've not been feeling terribly well since returning from France so I went to the walk-in clinic today and what were they playing on the waiting room television?

Alegria.

Only in Montreal...

P!nk For the Win

P!nk performed at the American Music Awards last night and all I can say is, daaayum! P!nk sang the song Try while performing an acrobatic pas de deux with partner Colt Prattes. The piece was choreographed and coached by Sebastein Stella.

If she was nervous to perform an emotionally charged acrobatic dance piece while singing, she sure didn't show it. All I can say is huge respect. Huge. She just put most hand-to-hand couples I know to shame (artistically, of course) and quite frankly, I think I might need to up my game as well.

Wonderfully choreographed, beautifully performed, and emotionally raw and powerful, this is an artist that deserves our attention.

Guy's Got Flair

Curiouser and Curiouser

While waiting to hear news of the possible extensions and whether or not I would be compensated for any loses that would result of my returning to France, I received a phone call from the tour director. Never in my wildest dreams could I have guessed what he was about to propose.

I expected him to make one more plea to have me return on my dime but instead he asked if I would be willing to be on the French equivalent of Dancing with the Stars.

I’m sorry, what?

Somehow they managed to strike up some kind of a deal where one of the contestants on the show, some French version of Britney Spears, would need to learn to spin and twirl and where better that at the circus? I would do a little demo on wheel and then give her a “lesson”. There would also be footage of our show and the life around the circus.

A great bit of publicity for the circus, surely. But why the heck are they asking me this in the middle of negotiating all that other stuff? And they’re pushing to do it before I return to Canada, perhaps in hopes of getting one last bit out of me before I leave them for good.

I guess I’ll find out when we film tomorrow.

Unexpected Reactions

When we first arrived in Paris and word got out that I wouldn’t be doing extensions, I expected backlash from my colleagues. Oddly enough, one person thanked me because he felt it meant that there would be no extensions. Everyone else seemed to understand. At least that’s what they said to me.

Then, when the possibility of extensions was revived and I was still putting up a fight, I thought for sure I would get an earful. In the past, I’ve heard the unkind conversations about others who have stood their ground about being paid for their work. Only what ended up happening is that, during the meeting, people started sticking up for me. They started saying how it would be so strange without me. Or that it really would be better to finish all together. That afternoon, another colleague said that I couldn’t be replaced. And right before the show, on the day of the infamous meeting, the guitarist came up to me and said he was so happy I would be staying after all. I told him it wasn’t settled just yet. Then he said that he hoped I would. The show wouldn’t be the same without me, and that without my act, the show wouldn’t be as good. And a friend who saw the show that night said it would take two people to replace me with all I do. I took that to be a huge compliment.

For so long I have heard from my bosses, specifically the tour director and the director, that I can be replaced*, that we’re all replaceable... and suddenly I seem to be a genuinely important part of this show... it’s a pity I didn’t feel this way until so late in the game. But I’m glad it’s happening before I go.

* Many months ago, we were asked our opinion about playing a certain set of dates. The dates we’re playing now, actually. I said I didn’t want to and the tour director told me to just leave. My act took up only a small place in the show, and yeah, there were a couple of other parts, but they would just replace me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel satisfied that those remarks have come back to bite him in the ass.

Standoff

There was no question that it was going to be an emotionally charged day. It was the three year anniversary of the passing of my grandfather, the first grandparent I lost. And here I was, in the same town and surrounded by the same people I was with the day I got the news.

But things are very different now. I like to think I’m a little stronger. And so, when the tour director announced that we would be having a meeting about extending the tour, I knew I had to be tough. For once, it seemed like I actually held a pretty strong hand.

A few days before the meeting, the tour director came up to me asking if there was any way I could stay for the extensions. I told him I had already notified the company that I would not be continuing past the 11^th of November and that I had already booked my flight home. Then, for the first time since I started working here full time, I was actually offered a return flight home.

Now that ticket sales aren’t sucking quite so bad, the tour director desperately wants to extend the run. The company has already lost a tremendous amount of money with this venture and I think doing those extra shows would at least allow them to break even.

I told him it wouldn’t be impossible but it would depend on the dates. I have things I need to settle before I start my new contract in Switzerland. Plus, I’ve already booked a non-refundable train ticket to visit my grandmother in Ontario. And seeing as I need to renew my passport, coming back for more shows would mean getting the 24h rush at an extra cost.

Then I thought of a friend of mine. He worked for a big company and when time came to renew his contract, he wanted a pay raise. They of course played hard ball expecting that his fear of being out of work would mean accepting working for the lower sum of money. When they refused his request, he told them he quit. He did a lot in that show and was one of, if not the most visible artist on stage. He told them that he knew what he was worth and wasn’t going to be taken advantage of. Then he walked out.

That act of courage and self-worth lit a little fire in me. I know the value I have as an artist. I would tell the tour director that yes, I would come back. But not past December 16^th (they really wanted to play into New Year’s if they could), and only if they paid the full cost of the flight and not a set rate by kilometre, as is their policy. It’s a last minute flight around Christmas, I wasn’t about to absorb the cost of a ticket that will be far more than the 800E I would likely get from the kilometre system. Moreover, I want to be reimbursed for the train ticket I would be losing, as at that point they were aware that I would no longer be in their employ so it isn’t my fault that I booked it during a work period. And finally, I would ask that the extra fees of a rushed passport be covered by the circus. Were it not for them, I wouldn’t need to pay that fee. If I have to absorb all those extra costs, it would be like doing at least two shows for free.

I knew going in that the conversation with the tour director wouldn’t be smooth sailing. But seeing as the conversation I had with him when I said I would not be doing extensions was so civil, I guess I wasn’t as well prepared as I should have been. In a nutshell, he didn’t seem keen on my requests. He was so agitated that I didn’t even bring up the passport. And when I mentioned the train ticket he started ranting about not getting involved in people’s personal lives and that he’s lost train tickets and so forth and so on. He added something about the company having been around for 30 years, and they’ve always managed, but maybe they’ll go bankrupt... And then he had the nerve to say that fine, because of 100E (the cost of the train ticket) he would tell everyone that there would be no extensions and that 40 people would be out of work and likely lose their status with the unemployment office.

Now, I may have been clutching my cup of tea for dear life, but I was not about to let him pressure me like that and put that kind of burden on my shoulders. And I told him as much. For crying out loud, it works both ways. You not paying the 100E is also putting 40 people out of work, you know.

Shortly after, we had the meeting with the troupe. I was put on the spot by a colleague and so I mentioned the tour director’s attack. He flatly denied it and asked when he said it. Oh, I don’t know... a half hour ago? So what, now I’m a liar and the cause of this circus’ ruin? Delightful.

I admit, maybe I didn’t say it kindly. But I was pissed.

Then, oddly, things started to swing in my favour. The tour director suddenly became quite gracious saying how I’ve fulfilled every contract, that I’ve done so admirably, and that it’s in my rights to leave. And when he was pressed for a set end date and not the continuing possibility of extensions, the end date given was the 16^th of December. One of the other founding members kept pressing for a week longer, but as the tour director noted, I wasn’t available past the 16^th...

Afterward I called the technical director. He’s the most down to earth and friendly of the lot. You actually feel like you’re having a conversation with a human being with him, not some business man trying to get the better of you. I told him about my conversation with the tour director, and the three expenses I want covered in order to return. He thought them all perfectly reasonable. He also added that I shouldn’t feel guilty or badly, and that I need to stick to my guns. Moreover, he said that when he, the tour director, and the administrative director sat down to crunch the number about the possible extensions, he would be my ambassador and fight for what I asked for. He said at that point, it wasn’t a couple of hundred euro one way or the other that was going to make the difference.

And quite frankly, at this rate, I don’t see how they have a choice. It will cost far more to bring in a foreign artist to do my act (there are very few women doing German wheel that I know of), plus ship their wheel as mine would undoubtedly be too small. Plus there would have to be paid rehearsals. And by the time that person gets here, I’ll be gone and there will be no one to teach her the part. I gave them a month’s notice. It’s not my fault they didn’t prepare.

Based on my calculations, the cost of covering the flight, train ticket, and passport is equal to what I will earn if I come back to do the extended set of shows. So the question for the company is, am I worth my salary?

The Art of Circus Island

Oddly enough, I’ve rather enjoyed my month long exile on Circus Island. What with all the power outages and dinosaur installations, hardly a dull moment was to be had! The place certainly has potential. But that doesn’t change the fact that it is utterly ridiculous.

Ah, Circus Island. At first glance, it looks a lovely place. Sprawling gardens and hidden lawns wend their way across the island. True, the entire space is still in development and just behind the sprawling gardens are fenced off areas of mud and garbage waiting to be transformed. All in good time, I’m sure. All in good time.

Not bad.

I’m still not entirely sure what the goal is for the island. There are numerous large sandboxes. There are tiny little electric Renaults that you can zip around the perimeter of the island in. And of course the startling number of circus tents. But the thing that really makes me raise an eyebrow is the art.

I’ve already mentioned the dinosaurs. They’re on the far end of the island, away from the parks and circuses. The dinosaurs have since been joined by a pile of bricks, three concrete orbs, and a large metal spider web. A little ways off, there is a spotlit dead tree on a small hill. This scene is accompanied a disk of Latin music that is played on repeat all day long. Security guards are present 24/7, presumably to prevent anyone from turning off that infernal racket.

This is the least curious  artwork on the island.

First, we have the severed fingers.

 

Then we have a poor little birdie mourning the death of his little birdie friends.

 

From there we move on to this guy. 

 Hey there!

There’s only the one, and it’s in the middle of a field, and for some reason it is surrounded by stones painted as fruit.

 And, inexplicably, one painted as steak.

 

These rocks disguised as fruit litter the island. There are dozens of them. I only managed to find one other stone painted as meat.

 Wait, that one doesn't look right...

 

And if all of that is too mainstream for you, perhaps you would enjoy the blinding glory that is that giant, fluorescent pink scalene triangle?

Seriously though, why? Why would you do this?

 

The one piece of artwork that made any sense to me is actually hidden away in some lost little corner between some very large bushes. It is the only thing on the island that fits in with the theme of circus. It is a bronze statue that looks like a contortionist who just fell on her face. But still, a contortionist!

With construction workers wandering about daily, who knows what other exciting additions lay in store? I, for one, hope they don't come with music.

The First Lesson