The Creation Marches On

Today, it would seem, is the official halfway mark of the creation. It is also the first day of the new schedule, which means I now have most of my mornings off. Both of these things mean nothing when compared with the news that within the next fifteen days we will be running the show.

Its a really funny thing, this whole creative process. You do a whole bunch of improvisations, make some propositions, develop characters and scenes, go through all the acts of making a show and yet somehow there's this lingering denial that you will ever have to put it all together and, you know, show it to people.

If I have any conflicting emotions as an artist, its that I want to perform, but good God don't make me show you my work! Its simply amazing to me that after all this work, all the years of sacrifice leading up to my adventures with this company, that all these things are finally coming to fruition and all I can think is "Seriously? Do we have to?"

I admit, I'm really hard on myself. I'm a perfectionist. And despite being fully aware that its impossible to look good and get better at the same time, I cringe when I have to show a work in progress.

But this is the dream! This is the reality! Like I just wrote, this is the point of all that work and suffering. And maybe that's the frightening thing. If there's one thing worse than failing at your dream, its the moment right before you achieve it.

What if you're not ready? What if it turns out you hate it? What if no one cares? What if you never have another dream again? Then what?

That's a pretty vulnerable position to put your spirit in.

And yet countless artists do. And I have no doubt that they will continue to do so. And despite my anxiety, I have no doubt that I will continue to do so as well.

Just... don't look 'til I'm ready.