My flight leaves in five and a half hours. I don't want to go, and unless having a trapeze in a suitcase counts, I am not even remotely packed. Part of me hopes that this is one of those times where the build up in my head is far worse than what is actually waiting for me. But I know that that's not the case. The loss of a past company member suffered by a fraction of the troupe in November hit all of us, even those who didn't know him, incredibly hard. I can't help but feel that the loss of a current artist, who was also the composer and a founding member of the company, will bury us all.
I also have battles of my own to face. There is no doubt that the four years I have spent with this company has made me grow considerably. But the amount of suffering I have had to endure in order to achieve that growth is a little on the excessive side. I sure as hell didn't expect any of this when I signed on. And I know that it ain't over yet.
If you have any good thoughts or positive energy to share, the troupe and I would be much obliged.
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