Saturday, March 3, 2012

The Mourning After

Since the news of my cast mate's death broke, messages have been pouring in. This morning my inbox consisted solely of the condolences that have been sent to the office and then forwarded to us. My Facebook feed is inundated with photos of the man who left us. My feelings of numbness have been slapped awake and I now see that a lot of what I was feeling, am feeling, is denial.

It's like he went on vacation, or retired. There are such big gaps in the tour where we don't all see each other. It's just like that, right?

Of course it's not like that. When I really stop and think that I will never see this person again, I just can't believe it. Whatever differences we had, no one wants this. I only hope that after such a troubled and turbulent life, he has found peace.

I know it will be good for the troupe to get together and grieve next week, but I'm not going to lie. I don't know that I can bear it.

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