As I write this, I’m sitting in my caravan. I can hardly move for fatigue. I’m actually surprised by the speed my fingers seem to be typing with because I can’t imagine ever summoning that kind of energy again. And yet… tap tap tap… there they go!
Every part of me is sore. Including stupid things, like my speedy little fingers. Last night we pulled off a near miracle. A good thing too, what with last night’s performance being the premiere in my circus’ home town. As if the dramatic arts weren’t dramatic enough on their own…
The night before last, the night of the dress rehearsal, A was too sick to perform. So we put together some half-assed run where we mimed his presence and handed out his cues. My personal favourite moment would have been when 52 year old P pretended to do A’s strap act, bare-chested and all.
A is a fighter. I’ve seen him continue a show after crashing head first into the floor. And that too was a dress rehearsal. He could have stopped and it wouldn’t have mattered. He performed on a torn bicep for a ridiculous period of time. He is too proud, too stubborn, too good sit out.
Which is why I surely don’t need to tell you how shocked we were when, the morning of the premiere, we were told he would not be doing the show.
We were all so convinced that he would be up and moving come show time that we didn’t have a plan “B”. There was talk of canceling the premiere! Telling 1000 people to stay home. One thousand and one if you count the Dutch photographer who was coming in for one night only to get pictures for the Dutch portion of the tour.
Shit.
Phone calls were made. The beginning of the show was reworked, the group act was adapted. A replacement was found, but he only arrived some time after 16h00. He learned A's act and, as C and I basically sit on stage looking pretty the entire strap act, we coached him as he ran it. By the time we managed to go over everything, we were all late for the preset.
Somehow, we made it through. Under circumstances like that, I don't think there's any other choice. I suppose it's part of the magic of live performance. But I'm good for magic for the next little while. So let's have things get back to normal. Okay? Okay.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
La Trame
Back in February, I had mentioned going in for a La Trame treatment. While some effects were immediate, the treatment works over 21 days so I wasn't really in a position to go into much detail about the effects of the treatment.
March 15th was the 21 day mark, and let me tell you, I was not disappointed. Not only were the effects noticeable, they were pretty monumental.
As I mentioned in a previous post, when I arrived in Blagnac after a month-and-a-half hiatus, I suddenly found myself free of fear or nervousness when performing my act. Moreover, I felt incredibility grounded. I felt extremely open, giving, and easily able to connect to the audience. I smiled more and more naturally that I ever had before. I felt so at ease on stage and each performance was truly a joy to do. Even technically I felt lighter, smoother and more like an aerialist that and an acrobat. And the best part? It wasn't a one shot deal. Night after night, I was able to perform in this free and easy way.
Circus being what it is, it didn't last forever, but the rock is still there.
The other major effect, which I am still amazed by, is my ability to cope. Often, when something stressful happens, or I am upset or deeply troubled by something, that one negative emotion will often consume me. I won't be able to think of much else, let alone be able to function fully in other settings. Now, I find myself able to separate myself from my troubles and I really be in the present moment. When I'm with other people, I'm really with them and not brooding. I can be genuinely happy and succeed in detaching myself from whatever is bothering me. Not only that, the things that do weigh me down, weigh me down considerably less.
I'm looking forward to being back in Montreal for another treatment!
March 15th was the 21 day mark, and let me tell you, I was not disappointed. Not only were the effects noticeable, they were pretty monumental.
As I mentioned in a previous post, when I arrived in Blagnac after a month-and-a-half hiatus, I suddenly found myself free of fear or nervousness when performing my act. Moreover, I felt incredibility grounded. I felt extremely open, giving, and easily able to connect to the audience. I smiled more and more naturally that I ever had before. I felt so at ease on stage and each performance was truly a joy to do. Even technically I felt lighter, smoother and more like an aerialist that and an acrobat. And the best part? It wasn't a one shot deal. Night after night, I was able to perform in this free and easy way.
Circus being what it is, it didn't last forever, but the rock is still there.
The other major effect, which I am still amazed by, is my ability to cope. Often, when something stressful happens, or I am upset or deeply troubled by something, that one negative emotion will often consume me. I won't be able to think of much else, let alone be able to function fully in other settings. Now, I find myself able to separate myself from my troubles and I really be in the present moment. When I'm with other people, I'm really with them and not brooding. I can be genuinely happy and succeed in detaching myself from whatever is bothering me. Not only that, the things that do weigh me down, weigh me down considerably less.
I'm looking forward to being back in Montreal for another treatment!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Whew! (Whew! Whew!)
It was a Sunday and we were performing a show just like any other. Little did I know that I was about to experience one of the most touching moments of my career thus far, if not the cutest.
The lead-in to the bazooka number (yes, you read that right) is performed by yours truly and is probably best described as a brief lapse into my own little world. My crazy, somewhat violent, little world...
Anyhoo, this fit of madness ends in me tiring myself out, a loud "whew!" and a sniffle.
All of this, I am told, is quite funny.
But on this particular night, the "whew!" wasn't just met with the regular laughs. There were at least four kids in the audience who thought I was funny and/or awesome enough to immediately mimic with "whew!"s of their own.
Outstanding!
Bazooka! Bazooka! Bazooka!
The lead-in to the bazooka number (yes, you read that right) is performed by yours truly and is probably best described as a brief lapse into my own little world. My crazy, somewhat violent, little world...
Anyhoo, this fit of madness ends in me tiring myself out, a loud "whew!" and a sniffle.
All of this, I am told, is quite funny.
But on this particular night, the "whew!" wasn't just met with the regular laughs. There were at least four kids in the audience who thought I was funny and/or awesome enough to immediately mimic with "whew!"s of their own.
Outstanding!
Bazooka! Bazooka! Bazooka!Sunday, March 21, 2010
Back to Square One
Upon arriving in Blagnac, I was really very surprised at how good I felt while doing my number. I tend to be nervous all the time, even if we've done at least 100 shows by now. I keep waiting for the day where I feel bored. Not because I want to be bored, but because more seasoned artist friends of mine have talked about this confident place where they need to find extra motivation to do a good number (I have the tricks) and I really hope to find myself there one day.
Well, I wasn't bored, but suddenly, I was good. And by good I mean grounded, anchored to the floor. I felt calm, at ease on stage, like it was easy to relate to the audience. I was smiling freely and felt quite aerienne while executing my technique. And considering I had just come back from a month-and-a-half long break, that didn't seem possible. But not only was it possible, but it lasted for at least a week.
Ease, comfort, joy. I suspect it had a lot to do with the La Trame treatment. But more on that in a later post.
Then the karma show struck.
From that point on, I was never able to get back on track. In fact, during one show, I had one of the most terrifying experiences I've ever had on stage to date.
I was going to start my backwards spiral, just like always, only I missed the handle. I should mention that I start the backward spiral very close to the edge of the stage. By not actually starting/completing the move, I wobbled back and forth quite a lot, and was disoriented from expecting to go backwards but then finding myself upside down instead. Moreover, when you fail to properly start a backwards spiral, the wheel will sometimes bounce back up and send you forward. In this case, that would have meant off the stage and onto the audience.
I managed to stop the wheel before I was even fully inverted, caught my breath and kept going. But on the inside, I was shaking. When I got off stage and the adrenaline wore off, I started trembling and wound up sobbing into the arms of one of the technicians. It was of the utmost importance that I do some spirals after the show.
If I was off track before, well, now every show was a struggle. The good time feelings of the beginning of the run had evaporated and left nothing but anxiety. It's amazing to me... to be doing something for an entire year, over a hundred times and yet it remains so fragile. You wouldn't think it, but circus can be just as fragile as live theatre. It is a living, breathing thing.
So here I am, starting the second year of the tour and it's as though I need to relearn the entire number. I'm back at square one just trying to integrate it into my body. Really, it shouldn't surprise me. The circus is all about circles. All about cycles. And while it may be frustrating, in the end, it certainly is better than being bored.
Well, I wasn't bored, but suddenly, I was good. And by good I mean grounded, anchored to the floor. I felt calm, at ease on stage, like it was easy to relate to the audience. I was smiling freely and felt quite aerienne while executing my technique. And considering I had just come back from a month-and-a-half long break, that didn't seem possible. But not only was it possible, but it lasted for at least a week.
Ease, comfort, joy. I suspect it had a lot to do with the La Trame treatment. But more on that in a later post.
Then the karma show struck.
From that point on, I was never able to get back on track. In fact, during one show, I had one of the most terrifying experiences I've ever had on stage to date.
I was going to start my backwards spiral, just like always, only I missed the handle. I should mention that I start the backward spiral very close to the edge of the stage. By not actually starting/completing the move, I wobbled back and forth quite a lot, and was disoriented from expecting to go backwards but then finding myself upside down instead. Moreover, when you fail to properly start a backwards spiral, the wheel will sometimes bounce back up and send you forward. In this case, that would have meant off the stage and onto the audience.
I managed to stop the wheel before I was even fully inverted, caught my breath and kept going. But on the inside, I was shaking. When I got off stage and the adrenaline wore off, I started trembling and wound up sobbing into the arms of one of the technicians. It was of the utmost importance that I do some spirals after the show.
If I was off track before, well, now every show was a struggle. The good time feelings of the beginning of the run had evaporated and left nothing but anxiety. It's amazing to me... to be doing something for an entire year, over a hundred times and yet it remains so fragile. You wouldn't think it, but circus can be just as fragile as live theatre. It is a living, breathing thing.
So here I am, starting the second year of the tour and it's as though I need to relearn the entire number. I'm back at square one just trying to integrate it into my body. Really, it shouldn't surprise me. The circus is all about circles. All about cycles. And while it may be frustrating, in the end, it certainly is better than being bored.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Toulouse? More Like TouWIN!
Toulouse is a great town. Not too big, but certainly not a small town. The city is beautiful, colourful and strikes me as very livable. Also, they're really into rugby.
This is something I can appreciate in a city. I played rugby in high school and think its a great, fast paced and very physical game; not unlike my city's sport. And while Montreal and hockey are inseparable, Toulouse goes a step beyond regular sports fanaticism.
Allow me to introduce to you the city's attempt to teach its citizens some manners when it comes to metro etiquette.
And my personal favourite...
Who knew there was no French term for "Fair Play"?
I love how there can be no mistaking that these are rugby players. From the different and specific build of the characters, to the little skull cap. Not to mention that in the second image they're either in a scrum or rucking over whoever is trying to get out of the metro car.
Classic.
And while I can't really imagine pictures like this in Montreal, I've got to admit, a poster of some hockey player checking a little old lady into the metro doors could be pretty awesome.
This is something I can appreciate in a city. I played rugby in high school and think its a great, fast paced and very physical game; not unlike my city's sport. And while Montreal and hockey are inseparable, Toulouse goes a step beyond regular sports fanaticism.
Allow me to introduce to you the city's attempt to teach its citizens some manners when it comes to metro etiquette.
And my personal favourite...
Who knew there was no French term for "Fair Play"?
I love how there can be no mistaking that these are rugby players. From the different and specific build of the characters, to the little skull cap. Not to mention that in the second image they're either in a scrum or rucking over whoever is trying to get out of the metro car.
Classic.
And while I can't really imagine pictures like this in Montreal, I've got to admit, a poster of some hockey player checking a little old lady into the metro doors could be pretty awesome.
Friday, March 12, 2010
750 Words
A long time ago, when I was still in theatre school, my voice teacher had us purchase a book called The Artist's Way. As a class, we did the first 9 or so chapters together, but then, when we went into production, we were expected to finish the program on our own.
None of us did.
And yet, if it weren't for the Artist's Way, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have got this whole circus party started. One of the tools it mentions is synchronicity, the experience of two or more events that are causally unrelated occurring together in a meaningful way. It was through a series of seemingly unrelated events that I finally realized I was so angry in life because I wasn't living the life I wanted, and that the life I wanted was that of a circus artist.
And while that is a very interesting component of The Artist's Way, and also a fun snippet of my life story, I'm actually letting myself get side tracked. What I'd really like to talk about are Morning Pages.
Morning Pages would have to be the most powerful tool in the Artist's Way toolbox. Morning Pages consist of three pages, written by hand, first thing in the morning. No coffee, no tea, morning pages. There's no structure and no required elements. Just three pages of whatever comes into your head. They're not supposed to be edited or censored in any way. The idea is that if you can clear your mind at the very start of your day, you will be free of the clutter and baggage associated with it. Moreover, it leaves place for questions. Questions that often get answered over the course of writing out the pages.
I remember finding Morning Pages useful and beneficial. But I also like to sleep. And getting up a half an hour earlier to write something I'm never going to read again (that's part of the process, no revisiting what you wrote)... well... I just couldn't do it. Especially while working 17 hour days in the summer. Plus, the amount of paper I would go through just killed me. So I let Morning Pages slip into my past.
And then, I stumbled upon 750 Words. Basically, this guy Buster took the idea of Morning Pages and put it online. The site counts the words as you type (apparently three written pages is equal to 750 words), and while it is online, it's not a blog. It's not meant to be social, it really is just a dialogue between you and yourself.
Maybe I've just been making excuses to avoid this thing that I know is beneficial to me. Maybe, with all the work I've been doing on myself lately, stumbling upon the online version of Morning Pages is a little bit of synchronicity nudging my shoulder. Whatever the case, Morning Pages have found their way back into my life, and I hope they find their way into yours.
None of us did.
And yet, if it weren't for the Artist's Way, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have got this whole circus party started. One of the tools it mentions is synchronicity, the experience of two or more events that are causally unrelated occurring together in a meaningful way. It was through a series of seemingly unrelated events that I finally realized I was so angry in life because I wasn't living the life I wanted, and that the life I wanted was that of a circus artist.
And while that is a very interesting component of The Artist's Way, and also a fun snippet of my life story, I'm actually letting myself get side tracked. What I'd really like to talk about are Morning Pages.
Morning Pages would have to be the most powerful tool in the Artist's Way toolbox. Morning Pages consist of three pages, written by hand, first thing in the morning. No coffee, no tea, morning pages. There's no structure and no required elements. Just three pages of whatever comes into your head. They're not supposed to be edited or censored in any way. The idea is that if you can clear your mind at the very start of your day, you will be free of the clutter and baggage associated with it. Moreover, it leaves place for questions. Questions that often get answered over the course of writing out the pages.
I remember finding Morning Pages useful and beneficial. But I also like to sleep. And getting up a half an hour earlier to write something I'm never going to read again (that's part of the process, no revisiting what you wrote)... well... I just couldn't do it. Especially while working 17 hour days in the summer. Plus, the amount of paper I would go through just killed me. So I let Morning Pages slip into my past.
And then, I stumbled upon 750 Words. Basically, this guy Buster took the idea of Morning Pages and put it online. The site counts the words as you type (apparently three written pages is equal to 750 words), and while it is online, it's not a blog. It's not meant to be social, it really is just a dialogue between you and yourself.
Maybe I've just been making excuses to avoid this thing that I know is beneficial to me. Maybe, with all the work I've been doing on myself lately, stumbling upon the online version of Morning Pages is a little bit of synchronicity nudging my shoulder. Whatever the case, Morning Pages have found their way back into my life, and I hope they find their way into yours.
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