New Adventures

After five years of back and forth between home and France, I've moved on to a new contract, a new company, and new country. In just over 24 hours I will be leaving home for 10 months, and heading toward the unknown.

And I, for one, am terrified.

You'd think that by now I'd be used to it. That packing up and taking off would be second nature. Or that I could charm just about anyone anywhere, no problem. New friends, new fit, old hat.

But the truth is, I'm terribly shy and am prone to raging bouts of insecurity. I'm awkward in groups and think sometimes I come off as stuck up, or anti-social. But really, I just don't always know how to find my place with new people. I'm much better one on one, and in a circus troupe, that's not always easy.

I keep thinking back to my camp days. It was very easy to get caught up in the session that just finished, but when a new session began and all the campers changed, we were always reminded that this new group didn't know those inside jokes, or share those memories. It was a new week, and we had to make room for new adventures, new jokes, and new stories.

I'm trying to go forward like that. Instead of thinking how hard my last contract was, and how I'm so scared that it will be like that again, that I'll feel alone, and out of place, and that it will all be the same, I try to remind myself that I have a fresh start, and a chance to have new adventures, make new jokes, and create new stories. The greater challenge will be to let go of the habits I picked up on my old job, and be open to new ways of creating, and a new (and undoubtedly very different) way of how things are run.

So far, I've heard tremendously good things about this company. That, and that it's really hard and a lot of work. But otherwise, just great.

All my equipment left before me. I guess the only thing left to do is join it, and find out just how hard and great it is for myself.

To Switzerland!