Dun Dun DUN!

Its been three months. There have been arguments, breakdowns, tears, laughter, hurdles overcome and breakthroughs made. Most importantly, a show was born. Tonight was our final run before the doors open to a curious and eager public. And I, for one, am crapping my pants.

Last night we had a small audience of about 30 people (the Chapiteau holds 1000). Oddly enough, I wasn't nervous. I had heard they were the people from the office and some theatre company that often comes by. I figured they were friends and so no big deal. I later learned they were actually one of those super critical bunches you need to be wary of.

Oops.

Things went well, but I feel like I've plateaued a bit. I don't really feel like I'm inhabiting what I'm doing. I think having a real audience will help.

I also think it might kill me.

Tonight, I was so nervous. There were six people in the public. The director, assistant director, the costume designer, the technical director, the maintenance/all around go-to guy, and the videographer. That's it! People who have been here from the start and know the show inside and out! And yet I was on the verge of thoroughly soiling my costume...

If I felt like that tonight, I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow.

One thing that's really great though is my placement in the show. My wheel number has always been either last or second to last. That's a long time to let your nerves build up. Now, I'm rather close to the beginning, just before the middle. Its a good spot. I can get into the show, do my number without getting too worked up, and then continue with a lot less stress. It's pretty awesome.

Also, I now have a costume! Its still not quite finished, and it did sort of fall off at one point in the run (but that can be avoided later on), but its a costume! And its orange... a nice orange though. Kind of a burnt, rust, pumpkin kind of orange. Well, the pants are, I've never really had a chance to look at the top in the light. Anyway, its orange. I must admit, its one of the last colours I ever thought I'd end up in...

I can't believe its finally here. This journey started with my audition in 2007 and now I'm finally going to be presenting a show as a member of this reknowned circus. And you know what? Tonight, at curtain call, I felt like a real member of this troupe. And that is a beautiful thing.

So wish me 'merde' all over my broken legs! Because tomorrow is the beginning of a whole new chapter of this crazy circus life of mine.

Allez!