The Second Run

The day started out rough. We were all exhausted from the night, and weeks, before. I swear you've never seen a group of droopier acrobats than the ones oozing off the structure for the trampoline number.

And of course, there was the infamous wheel session in the afternoon...

But its true what they say, the show must go on, and run through number two was looming.

As you can imagine, I was nervous. I have the incredible fortune of incredible friends here and after my difficult wheel session, I shared a good cry*. Still, doubt remained. Also, inadequacy, embarrassment, fear and many other emotional parasites. I had no idea if I could what I had to do that night. Using a technique called EFT I worked through a good portion of the things holding me back. For the first time in a long time, I felt some kind of peace and was ready to work. I know I still have a lot of issues to work through, but I took some huge steps in the right direction.

The lights went down, the music started, artists paced the backstage.

And it was glorious.

I don't know what happened, but somehow, we did a show. Not a series of acts and technical bits, but a show. A living, breathing entity consisting of the sweat and passion of thirteen artists, three stage technicians and a handful of others. We progressed by leaps and bounds and we felt it. That is magic.

And my number? I exploded. I blew them out of the water. I left them with their little jaws dangling and even made one of the musicians cry. I took my time, and for the first time, I did my number for myself. Not for the director, not for the sake of the show, but for me. I rediscovered my relationship with my wheel, the love of what I do and what the hell I'm doing here in the first place. And it felt so good.

After wards, the technical director came up to me and told me that I took him in my hand and held him the entire time. He later told me that my number was the moment in the show when the energy really took off. And he is not a man who gives compliments gratuitously. I finally did my job.

I'm also finding my place in this show. I understand who I am a little better. I'm having fun, still trying to learn the show, mind you, but slowly I am starting to have fun.

And the best part? We won our Saturday! We were supposed to work the weekend because we were so behind. The thing is, we're all breaking. One colleague got an infection in his knee and now has all these crazy bumps on the glands in his knee. Others are getting sick too. Plus tempers are growing short and the pressure and stress are mounting. We need these two days. Especially since starting Monday, we go seven days straight.

But! We have a show... and from the whispers of those who've seen it, it might even be a really good show. I guess we'll find out Thursday.


* Understatement.